I can't sleep - its 01:56am! It's my back - it gets me down - it will never heal. I should go back to the hospital but they dont do anything.
Its annoying having a foot that will never be normal - always pins and needles in my toes - drives me mad! Always my leg will be numb and I cant walk properly - Im only 41 and Im a flippin invalid! Hate it when people say 'your limping' - I know!!!!! I dont need reminding!!!
Im fat! Hate myself at the moment - Im really fat! I dont look good in clothes and I just cant stop eating - love my food.
Got loads of work to do for college - not done any in the last week or so! Really depressed about that really. I've got only about 7 weeks left to get it all done. I'm excited about it all but then I dont get down and do it. I keep putting it off - why? Admitedly Ive been working for the last 5 days so havent had time to do college stuff and it is the holidays and John and I have been out and about - but I really must get on now. Then there is the boys room to decorate over the next week - I really want to decorate their room but I really need to get on with college stuff too. Oh dont listen to me Im rambling on coz Im up in the middle of the night feeling sorry for myself!
My book is good - 'This Book will save your life' - Im halfway through - I only read it at night these days - no time during the day. I keep falling asleep with book in hand. It is good, its funny and quite deep and thoughtful. I cant wait to read the next book - I have two lined up.
I'm really snappy with John - I must stop that! Dont know why I do it!
Spoke to my friend whose husband left her for someone else - the pain she is going through is unbearable - I really dont know how she is coping but Im so proud of the way she is keeping her dignity - she has not lost it with him - she is so calm! I invited her to come stay with us for a few days - she said she might just do that! Bless her - I cant imagine how it must feel to have the man of your dreams turn round and tell you they are in love with someone else! Crikey I really must stop snapping at John - I dont know how lucky I am!
Some lovely people on this here J-land - I really really love being part of this community - it makes you appreciate things you have and the world around you. Its really good that we can share stuff - even if peeps arent reading this - its good to just let it all out. Hmm dont even know what it is Im letting out LOL
Take care yall