Saturday, 7 April 2007

Can't Sleep

I can't sleep - its 01:56am! It's my back - it gets me down - it will never heal. I should go back to the hospital but they dont do anything. 

Its annoying having a foot that will never be normal - always pins and needles in my toes - drives me mad! Always my leg will be numb and I cant walk properly - Im only 41 and Im a flippin invalid! Hate it when people say 'your limping' - I know!!!!! I dont need reminding!!!

Im fat! Hate myself at the moment - Im really fat! I dont look good in clothes and I just cant stop eating - love my food. 

Got loads of work to do for college - not done any in the last week or so! Really depressed about that really.  I've got only about 7 weeks left to get it all done. I'm excited about it all but then I dont get down and do it. I keep putting it off - why? Admitedly Ive been working for the last 5 days so havent had time to do college stuff and it is the holidays and John and I have been out and about - but I really must get on now.  Then there is the boys room to decorate over the next week - I really want to decorate their room but I really need to get on with college stuff too.  Oh dont listen to me Im rambling on coz Im up in the middle of the night feeling sorry for myself!

My book is good - 'This Book will save your life' - Im halfway through - I only read it at night these days - no time during the day. I keep falling asleep with book in hand. It is good, its funny and quite deep and thoughtful. I cant wait to read the next book - I have two lined up.

I'm really snappy with John - I must stop that! Dont know why I do it!

Spoke to my friend whose husband left her for someone else - the pain she is going through is unbearable - I really dont know how she is coping but Im so proud of the way she is keeping her dignity - she has not lost it with him - she is so calm! I invited her to come stay with us for a few days - she said she might just do that! Bless her - I cant imagine how it must feel to have the man of your dreams turn round and tell you they are in love with someone else! Crikey I really must stop snapping at John - I dont know how lucky I am!

Some lovely people on this here J-land - I really really love being part of this community - it makes you appreciate things you have and the world around you. Its really good that we can share stuff - even if peeps arent reading this - its good to just let it all out. Hmm dont even know what it is Im letting out LOL

Take care yall

Laine xxx



cherry2sweet2eat said...

im sorry elainey you need more then a drink you need a hug! i got a gut that gets me down all the time i want to be able to show my stomach with belly rings and etc and i want to be able to sit down without my gut pushing my shirt up lol. Its okay all of that makes you and YOU are a wonderful person.

rivercitygirl1 said...

Lainey hon, I feel you.  I really do.  We all get like this sometimes.  Me, I'm like this all of the time.  I have a sociology test monday and I haven't even cracked a book yet.  I'm tearing up the house looking for my freakin' cell phone that I have lost for the millionth time.  I have a bad feeling I left it in church yesterday and there are some preety racy pics in it.....OMG!  Can you imagine one of the clergy finding it and seeing those pics.  I'm freakin' out right about now.....

sarajanesmiles said...

I'm up too, can't sleep, though I was tired as a tired thing earlier.
Don't be worrying about all of these things Laine, not at this time of night.  Things get all out of proportion in the early hours.  Go on, try and get some sleep.  I'm off now too, will follow my own advice :o)
Sara   x

louiseb411 said...

Ahhh hope you got some sleep. Things always seem worse in the middle of the night. Hope you bachache is a bit better today Louise xx

jeadie05 said...

I hope things look better this morning,your back will ache you have had a busy four days ,and you know you have to get the college stuff done and you usually get there in the end , Jan xx

ally123130585918 said...

Laine I think you have been working too hard ~ sorry you have such a painful back and toes ~ I know you have lots of work to do for college but you always manage to get through it I am sure you will this time ~ I hope you are having a Happy Easter Sunday and will be feeling a lot better about yourself and not feeling so stressed ~ Ally x

geocachelinda66 said...

Awww, I'm sorry you are going thru such a hard time.  Its hard sometimes for us women not to snap.  I do it alot too!  Linda

labdancer51 said...

Hello Laine,  I`m sorry to hear that you have trouble with your back, pain can really get you down, I know that. It must be really hard for your friend but it`s good to know that you are there for her.  Happy Easter. :o)

Love Sandra xxxx

sdrogerson said...

oh I know the numb leg well
and the the limp

jlocorriere05 said...

You probably snap at John cos you're tired Laine. I had all that back pain too with a numb leg due to sciatica, it's no fun to limp along and it makes you feel old. I have spina bifida occulta but they can't do anything about it, along with three slipped discs. I hope your friend comes to stay for a while, it'll do you both good. Hope Easter is going well for you! Jeannette xx  

jmoqueen said...

Awwww lainey :(  *big hugs*  I should imagine you are only feeling down coz you can't sleep and it makes you think and that stresses you out.  You are not an invalid and I doubt if you are fat.  Please don't stress hun xx  You will be fine