Wednesday

A very close friend has asked me to do something I don't want to do but I dont want to let her down - really cant say what it is here but I really want to help her but I dont want to lie for her - I dont lie - Im not a liar and I feel sad that she has asked me to lie for her. But, I dont want to hurt her by not doing it.  If I dont do it she might be really fed up with me and she is in a bad place at the moment and I dont want to push her further into a bad place. Sorry this is confusing - I know - sorry I just had to get it out.

Laine xxx

Edited Tuesday

When I went shopping yesterday I didnt just buy for Sam - I bought for me too - I bought some lovely new trainers - two pairs because I couldnt decide - one pair is white and pink and the other black and pink.  Hee hee

Faffed all day to day.

Didnt do any tidying up!

Didnt take the dog out - awww poor Oscar - well I took him out but only up the road to my friend's house.

Got to get all ready for France tomorrow - not sure whether to put everything in my rucksack or take a cool bag too.  Advantage of cool bag is nice French wine can go in it at the end of day when we go to hyper market! If everything goes in rucksack it will be heavy but do I want two bags to carry? Whoops looks like I mean Im going to France tomorrow - nooo Im getting ready tomorrow - going on Thursday - just needed to clear that one up! LOL

Been bad today ate chocolate and milk cow gums from Sainsburys - loving milk cow gums at the moment! hmmmmm shall I take some to France?

Need to buy Euros tomorrow.

The book I'm reading 'False Memory' by Dean Koontz is brilliant - really cant wait to read it every night - Im managing about 10 pages before I go to sleep - will take ages to finish it - its about 800 pages long. Im sure one of you will work it out! By the way Im on about page 200. Will post it to you Sara when Im finished :0)

Went in playground today to wait for Joe, I dont normally do that because I really hate going in the playground - because I really dont want to talk to people sometimes.  I find it quite stressful.  Anyway, today I went in because I had to pick up my paperwork for my job. Two girls were so obviously talking about me - its so obvious when they whisper then turn and look at you! Its because one of them had gone for the job and not even got an interview and she knew that I'd got it! LOL! Im glad I wont have to be a mum in a playground again after 25th July!! YAY Hate playground gossip!

My little Joe got his new uniform today for September - awwww he looks all grown up in it - seems wierd seeing himin that uniform!

Laine xxxxx

Thanks Donna for my fairy.xxx

 

Monday

Can't believe its a new week already.

What does this week hold for me I wonder.

Sam off school today so feels like I've got a purpose for being here if you know what I mean.

I've actually done something today - done some tidying up and got my finances sorted out.

The boys Dad has eventually paid up so I can pay off a few bills today - phew! Also I can buy Sam some long awaited clothes - not been able to buy him some new clothes for ages.  Joe needs some too but Sam more desparate as Joe has had alot of Sam's cast offs.  Joe also spends all his pocket money/birthday money on latest football kits so he is always looking smart!

Going down the town in a minute. Sam and Joey (his friend) going too.  Im going to meet my friend Maria for a coffee whilst the boys go and shop.

Got a meeting after school for the French Trip on Thursday - we are going early on Thursday and dont get back til late Thurs night - Im dreading it because I dont travel very well. But it should be a good day and its Joe's last school trip with Robsack.

Slept better last night. I was so relieved to wake up this morning and realise I'd slept all night - mind you didnt go off til 1.30am but its still good to sleep right through. I try to put off going to bed until I feel really really tired - I do so hate just laying there and wierd things go on in my mind - so dont like that.

Not sure, apart from day in France, what I will be doing this week. I keep telling myself to tidy up because believe me my house is a tip! It really is. I just cant get up the energy or enthusiasm to do it all. My brain says do it but my body says no!

Hope you are all ok.

Thinking of my lovely journal friends.

Laine xxxxxx

If there are any mistakes or it dont make sense - im sorry - it just all came out!

Wind beneath my wings

I was thinking alot yesterday. Thinking alot about my journal friends. Particulary my lovely friends who are sad at the moment.

I remembered a moment soon after the awful 9/11 in New York when Bette Midler sang to the grieving people of New York.  It was so so emotional. I remember thinking how brave those people were and how the hell do you cope! It proves that with someone beside you to lift you up and someone to be the wind beneath your wings you can move on and you can get there. I share this footage with you today. I think it is so fantastic how New York pulled together and got through, or still getting through, this awful time.  I admire them immensely. What courageous and wonderful people they are. They were all the wind beneath each others wings to help them through such a tragic time.

Just recently my Aunty Maureen died and at her funeral 'Wind beneath my wings' was played. It is such a strong powerful song - I cried buckets - its hard to explain but it felt like it was my aunty singing it and telling us she would be the wind beneath our wings and help us through. 

Yesterday my Aunty June sent me a graduation card - congratulating me on my graduation - but she also sent a card to John - which I felt was so so thoughtful of her. It thanked him for helping me through my degree and that his help and support had not gone unnoticed - she said in her card that he was the 'wind beneath my wings'. He was and he is.  I was so touched that my Aunty had recognised John's part in my degree.

I think by now you will all have got my message in today's entry.  I hope so, especially those who need a little help at the moment.

Love Laine xxxxx

P.S. Thank you Brainwhispers for my lovely flower - I was touched! Laine x

Saturday

Sometimes I dont feel like making an entry into my journal - I feel its pointless - sometimes I just cant be bothered. Sometimes I could write reams and reams.

Today I dont know why Im writing.

I feel sad today - sad for two very special people I have met here on J-land - Im not going to mention their names - but they are very special to me. 

I want to help them come out of the dark place they are in but feel so helpless because I cant possibly!

This is what is so frustrating about J-land - you meet some great fantastic people but if they are ill or need help - what the hells does an email or a j-land comment do! It dont flippin solve the issue - it dont give them a hug and reassurance.

Some people might not think that the caring is real and I can admit that some journals I read that I dont think about again until next time I visit - but there are some special people who I really really do care about and when there not well it hurts.

Laine xx

Thank you

Thank you so so much all of you for such lovely comments yesterday!! I had 18!!! Never had that many before!!! Thank you so so much!

It is starting to hit me now and I'm beginning to realise what I have achieved. I know that sounds silly but its taking a while to sink in!

Im looking forward to the graduation ceremony and I will post pictures!!

I want chocolate - hmmm IM in a chocolate mood.

Hey I didnt tell ya all - I lost 7 pounds in weight recently!! YAY!!!

Laine xx

BA Hon Degree in Fine Art

I have got my results!!!

I now have a BA Hons Degree in Fine Art - I got a 2:2!

I got graded two B's and two C's.  So I didnt do really rubbish but I didnt get a first class but Im just estatic that I got a degree at all!!!

Will wear that gown with pride on the 24th July - I did it!!!

Laine xxx