Thank you so so much for all your comments they really mean alot to me.
Im still no better today - infact Im worse today - sorry to tell you. Im really just writing in here to get it all out - so if you dont want to read it I'll understand.
I dont think John is understanding me - and that hurts the most - either that or he is ignoring me and hopes it will just go away.
The thing is that when your normally a bubbly happy-go-lucky person, like me, and then you suddenly feel very sad and moody and you dont know why, and you cant stop it and everything and anything seems an impossibility! well people cant handle it they think that you should just snap out of it.
Trouble is I feel like I cant snap out of it - and anything that happens or anything John does seems wrong to me. Like this morning he decided to go fishing and I felt left out - even though I knew I could have gone - but instead I stayed at home feeling sorry for myself. But, also John isnt coming near me - no cuddles or asking me if Im alright - why is it that when you need that the most they just dont come near you! Why is it that when he is in a mood and depressed thats ok but its not ok for me!
We took my show down this afternoon and I notice little silly things like John walking ahead of me and not waiting to hold my hand.
Then he and Christopher went fishing again - I stayed away because I didnt want to spoil their afternoon if I was moody. It annoyed me that John never insisted I came with him - cant win can he!
Then he said we would go for a walk - we went for a little walk and it was hurried - he kept looking at his watch - and he walked in front of me again and never attempted to hold my hand - we always hold hands when we walk! I know I could have held his but I just need him to tell me he loves me. When we came home I asked to talk to him then Christopher came out and I couldnt talk to him. Then he took Christopher home so we didnt get the chance - he is gone now and I am so so sad - I want to cry again.
Thanks for listening