Sunday, 10 June 2007

Sunday

Thank you so so much for all your comments they really mean alot to me.

Im still no better today - infact Im worse today - sorry to tell you.  Im really just writing in here to get it all out - so if you dont want to read it I'll understand.

I dont think John is understanding me - and that hurts the most - either that or he is ignoring me and hopes it will just go away.

The thing is that when your normally a bubbly happy-go-lucky person, like me, and then you suddenly feel very sad and moody and you dont know why, and you cant stop it and everything and anything seems an impossibility! well people cant handle it they think that you should just snap out of it.

Trouble is I feel like I cant snap out of it - and anything that happens or anything John does seems wrong to me. Like this morning he decided to go fishing and I felt left out - even though I knew I could have gone - but instead I stayed at home feeling sorry for myself.  But, also John isnt coming near me - no cuddles or asking me if Im alright - why is it that when you need that the most they just dont come near you! Why is it that when he is in a mood and depressed thats ok but its not ok for me!

We took my show down this afternoon and I notice little silly things like John walking ahead of me and not waiting to hold my hand.

Then he and Christopher went fishing again - I stayed away because I didnt want to spoil their afternoon if I was moody.  It annoyed me that John never insisted I came with him - cant win can he!

Then he said we would go for a walk - we went for a little walk and it was hurried - he kept looking at his watch - and he walked in front of me again and never attempted to hold my hand - we always hold hands when we walk! I know I could have held his but I just need him to tell me he loves me.  When we came home I asked to talk to him then Christopher came out and I couldnt talk to him.  Then he took Christopher home so we didnt get the chance - he is gone now and I am so so sad - I want to cry again.

Thanks for listening

Laine xxxx

12 comments:

egre328 said...

You are just feeling very sad..............you know John loves you and I think you are down because your course has ended.  It must feel a bit like a bereavement in a way, because you have shared so much with everyone you have had contact with over the last few years.  John can't feel that for you, so just talk to him and tell him why you are down.  Everything will be alright, you just have to work your way through this loss, but everything WILL be alright.  Eileenx

aniracj said...

I know how you are feeling; I am so emotional after the accident, especially now I have been told that my car is likely to be written off due to various things.....likely unavailibility of parts, cost of repair etc....all because of an idiot not thinking; I am angry and sad, and stressed cos Rob keeps telling me I am silly to be like it!! Why don't men just try and help us instead of telling us to pull ourselves together, or ignoring us!!

jlocorriere05 said...

Why can John be depressed and not you? That's simple ~ cos he's a man and men have real problems, not like us women! Most men will shy away if you're depressed, they aren't too good at handling emotions. Maybe he thinks it's better, he probably thinks what ever he says will be taken the wrong way. This will all blow over soon, you're just coming back to normality after doing your degree. Give yourself time to adapt, go spoil yourself! Jeannette xx  http://journals.aol.co.uk/jlocorriere05/Welcometomytravels/  

louiseb411 said...

Hi Been away and just catching up. Glad your exhibition went well. Sorry you are feeling down, John probably doesnt know what to do for the best, I am sure this will soon pass , you have had such a busy time and its a bit of a shock to the system coming back down to earth. Hope you feel better tomorrow  Louise xx

jeadie05 said...

Dear Laine what the last three people have said is what I  would say too,can you tell John how you are feeling ? ..love Jan xx

sarajanesmiles said...

Lainey, men are often very different to us women.
They deal with things differently.
When we feel low we need them to comfort and reassure us, and we want that without having to tell them that's what we want, don't we.  
Alot of times they don't get that.
Talk to him m'dear, tell him how you're feeling and what you're needing from him.
Also, when you feel the way that you're feeling, you do think that no one understands or really cares, that's part of it.  
I'm sure he does hon.
((((( )))))
Sara   xxx

cherry2sweet2eat said...

i know what you mean elainey i hope everything starts gettin better.

labdancer51 said...

Oh Laine, Sara`s comment says it all but do try to talk to him. Sometimes things seem far worse when we`re feeling down than otherwise. I`m sure this will all blow over very soon. Take care and I hope you feel much better soon.

(((((hugs)))))

Love Sandra xxxx

jacksj989 said...

No problem, get things out in the open if you can. I, for one, have a good listeining ear and, sometimes, that is all it takes.

I hope things improve for you soon.

By for now,

John.

sdrogerson said...

oh dear..............after my second degree I ended up in hospital just to cheer you up............this will take time..............

geocachelinda66 said...

Oh boy, I hate days like that.  I hope he comes around soon.  Do you think your moodiness could be letdown after the excitement from the show?  Linda

tellsg said...

Aw, sorry things are miserable.  I hope John comes home and gives you a big cuddle.  In the meantime heres a hug from me.  Tells x