Tired

I don't think my alerts are going out! But oh well, as long as I get things off my chest!!

Really tired today - couldn't sleep last night - why is it that I can sleep so well in the morning when it's time to get up but not at 3.30am!!! I got up and played with my DS - not much happening in my town in the middle of the night!!!  No idea what to do with it today - really shouldnt be playing games - got work to do!!

John helped me loads last night with designing my cubes - I had painstakingly drawn them by hand with ruler! He drew it on AutoCad for me to scale and then he showed me how to put the text on the cube so I could print it onto the card!!  He was really good as he was so so tired bless him! I'm busy doing these cubes - which are lovely!! And I'm putting messages on them - but really have not got a philosophical reason why I'm doing it!!! Help!!!!!!!!!

Poor John - because I was restless in the night - I woke him up too - he was up with me doing work!!  He didnt come back to bed til 5.30 - I at least managed to get back about 4.30 - We are both tired bunnies today!!

Worked hard at work today - got one more lodge cleaned! My friend coming in a minute to pick Joe up as we have a parent evening at Sam's school tonight to see which path he will take for his GCSE's and which ones he will do early.

Oh, I forgot to say (but then does it matter if no-one getting alerts!!) - oh well say it anyway, I've got to go to the hospital next Thursday to see what's up with me! Great! So thats me on Thursday the 8th and Sam on Friday 9th! And John away all week next week!!!!

Well I better go I have got someone visiting my house at 4.30 to see what my room looks like!! (Thats in the game not real life!) LOL

Love Laine xxxxx

P.s. why is file manage on AOL so slow - I've not been able to put on any of my graphics from Diama or Dianna yet because I just cant wait for it to load up!!!!

 

New Game

Well the new game Animal Crossing certainly rocks in our house!! LOL - Now I have my 13 year old (Sam) taking up residence in my new little house and tomorrow my 11 year old (Joe) will want to take up residence too!! Is this game meant for kids LOL - cant I convince them its just an adults game!!! How's my little character going to cope with them in such a small house!!

 

Feeling strange

Wierd!!! I feel really wierd - not sure why - its like I'm nervous about something! Not sure what!

Got so much on my plate at the mo!!! Time - time - time - need more time!!! Feel like ideas I have are crap!!! 

John going away for a whole week next week!! Next week is the week I have an appointment at the hospital and Sam has his appointment!! Just when I need John the most.

I also have to have my work finished by next week!! Im no where near finished yet - and I have to go to work inbetween!!!

Taking a deep breath!!

Hmmmm got my new game Animal Crossing - absolutely love it!! NO time to play that!!!

Had a little play - half an hour!!! Im allowed that arent I?

Must work hard tonight!

Take care y'all.

Love Laine xxxxx

Sunday Sunday

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I haven't stopped by to some of your journals - I've been busy with college stuff - got quite a bit done over weekend but still got loads to do!! I've got lots of cubes to make and I'm not sure yet how I'm gonna get the text on them.I'm actually starting to think its a silly idea - I keep doing that and doubting myself!! It's a confidence thing!

Now to tell you about the text messages I posted in earlier blogs - I got one today and it said 'I hate Sundays' - well its from a friend of mine and she is married with four children - all girls and she is dreadfully, dreadfully unhappy in her marraige - the thing is she is in love with a man that she has known for 25 years but he is married - he sees her now and then when he can - he has told her that they can never be together as he will never leave his wife.  My friend has told her husband she doesnt love him but he wont have it and he keeps texting her and bugging her all the time about them making a go of it.  I have told her that she should leave her husband but she cant because of her girls and her mum lives in part of her house - its really hard for her - but I think this lover of hers is using her big time - its hard to know what to say to her!!

Well that went on a bit didnt it - didnt write the whole lot as it would bore you!!! I'll put her messages as I get them.

Take care all.

Love Laine xxxx

 

Annoyed

Grrrrrrr just did an entry then lost it!!! I so hate that!!

Anyway, just to thank those of you who visited Annabel - bless her - I hope she keeps her journal up - if you would like to pay her a visit then she would be so pleased!! Thanks.

I went to the Nurse today - she said that she expects my hormones are all up the shute!! LOL Probably why I've been feeling the way I am. She thinks I might have fibroids or something (not sure if thats spelt right). Anyway, she has urgently referred me to the hospital - I should be seen within two weeks!! Cripes!! Do hope that doesnt coincide with Sam's appointment!!!

Had a really good day at college. Feeling really productive. Now I'm concentrating on the huge collection of text messages that I have and doing something with them.  I've found a way to make some really nice cubes and I've bought myself a stamp that I can put my own messages on - so I'm going to see if that works out ok. I'll let you know!

I'll try get round to your journals soon - I've got so many alerts to get through - still don't think alerts are going out for my journal much!!!

Laine xxxxx

 

Annabel's blog

Just to let you know that my best friend's daughter, Annabel, has joined us at j-land with her new blog called Annabel's blog.  Please please be kind enough to visit her and make her feel welcome.  She is gorgeous, lovely and cool and I love her to bits. I've known her ever since she was a ickle baby!!

Realised today why I'm not doing much college work - it's because I feel very unconfident!! I don't think I can do it so I put it off - not sure it has anything to do with being a mum, lover, school-run taxi, part-time cleaner, housewife, dog-walker and lover, friend (to many!), agony aunt, computer freak!, nintendog addict and just basically a busy person LOL. Oh and sometimes I have to sleep!! LOL

Laine xxxxx

 

Thank you so so much

Thank you so much to you all for your lovely comments and all trying to cheer me up!! I am feeling better today - John is back :) - and I had an ok day at college - which is better than a bad day!! I didnt get to see my course leader which I was hoping too. But, I hopefully will see him on Wednesday!

I've got to go to work tomorrow! Not looking forward to that its hard work - we are thoroughly cleaning the lodges so that they are spik and span for when the new season begins!

Oh, I nearly flipped again tonight - I think I told you all I have to take Sam up to London for tests to see if he is growing properly (my eldest son)!! Anyway, its on 9th February and it means staying overnight in London on the 8th coz the trains dont go early enough in the morning to get us there on time. Well guess what!!! John has to be in Germany that week - all week!!!! So who looks after Joe and my doggie????   Anyway, I phoned up my Mum and Dad for a chat - and my Dad answered - I chatted to him for over an hour and eventually I told him about my dilema and we worked out that I should go stay with them - my Dad would take me to Brighton Station (trains better there) which means I could go on the Friday and they will look after Joe and Oscar!!! So sorted and Im happier now - also means I can share the experience with them as John wont be here - so I wont feel that alone about it all!!!!

So Im feeling better my friends. Its onwards and upwards and take each day as it comes.

Oh and I have an appointment to see the Nurse on Thursday!!!

Laine xxxxxxx

Crying over you

Oh what is wrong with me!!! My man (John) has gone away tonight for work and when he left tonight i sobbed my heart out! How stupid is that! He only away for one night - I think its because I'm so low at the moment and I need him - right here I go again - crying again! All I seem to do lately is cry!! Wonder what is wrong with me! Why do I keep feeling so sorry for myself!!

To clear up the mystery of the text messages........... hmmm no I won't tell you yet here is another one from a her a little while ago ........... might tell you tomorrow!!!!

"Been trying not to text u. saw him yesterday. got next day blues today. i am so stupid. hows u"

Then I thought I would show you one of the many I get from my John seeing as Im feelin all silly and in love and missing him!!! He has only been gone ten minutes!!!

This is from when he was away once before.

"Yeah I am missing you too just keep thinking how much i love you john x"

Awwww I've been really nagging to him today - and now I want him back so I can cuddle him and tell him how much I love him - well I know he knows that I love him.  Oh dear doesnt love hurt sometimes!!!

Laine xxxxxxxxxxxx

Today's message

Just got to post this - its the one I got from her today and I will also post my reply and I will tell you all the story soon but it's good for you to imagine!!! LOL

"He isn't talking to me today. I've really blown it now. This is going to hurt alot."

My reply was as follows:

"I really don't know what to say. Most men like him would end up hurting you! He is a coward he dont want you to muck his life up he just wants to use you!"

A bit of a hard reply from me!! She didnt reply back yet!!

Laine xxxxxx

Nearly a thousand text messages

Hi everyone - I'm not sure AOL are sending alerts out for my journal!! Oh well!!

I have nearly a thousand text messages on my phone!! I'm going to pick some out and write them on here and see what you all make of it - see if you can make up what you think is happening - because believe me I have some very interesting texts - and intriguing for you when you dont know the story behind them.  So here is the first one for you all to ponder over - then I'll tell you the story behind it!! I'm changing names though to be safe.

"Really mucked it up now. He rang and I couldn't stop crying. if Tom would go he could come and go as he pleased"

And another one from the same person is:

"Wish he would use me. I told him how much he hurts me and put the phone down on him. why did I have to fall in love with somebody who doesnt care about me"

Laine xxxxxxxx

 

Friday feeling

So it's Jade evicted from the BB house - oh dear I wonder what will happen to her - I really don't know what to think - but she has apologised to Shilpa - crikey little does she realise what she has stirred up!! I don't envy her one bit.

I got lots of cardboard boxes from work today - they were throwing them away and were a bit puzzled when I got excited over them - Im an artist remember I said to them - oh yeah they said - then it was ok!! LOL

I'm excited about making lots of cubes with my messages on - it will be great to see them as objects and not just hidden on my phone! Blimey am I mad!!!

OOOh I better order some white paint, lots of masking tape and pva glue!!!  Oh and I must take pics of my last piece of text work to show you all - sorry not got round to it yet.

Must order that game Stuart has got - oh no!!! If I do Stuart I really wont have time to do my dissertation!!

My German Shephard Dog - Lucky - won first prize in an obedience competition today and I won £1000!!! How cool is that .......................... no not a real dog ........................... Nintendogs!! Its my relaxation just before going to bed - only play an hour a day but it really relaxes me - what a kid I am!!! Real doggie looking at me and saying tut tut mummy play with me instead!!

Was talking to a friend a work today and she has to make the decision whether to put her dog down or not - she is really old and her back leg is very limp and full of arthritis - isnt it sad - I really do not ever ever want my Oscar to get old!! He is 5 in March - can't believe how fast the time goes.

I'm really rambling today arent I. Diama!!! Thanks so much for my beautiful tag and when I can work out how to put it on here I will and I will leave a comment.  Thanks for all your help by the way on reminding me how to get pics in.  I promise to have the tag Diama made me on here soon!!!!

Have a good weekend all.

Laine xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Going out

I'm really tired  - I'm really down but I'm gonna go out and meet my friends tonight! I feel guilty because I should be addressing my work but I'm so so tired. And they just both text me to say that if I'm down then I should meet up with them to get cheered up.  John said I should go. But thats not getting my work done is it!! I usually join them for swimming first but I'm just going to go for the drink after. My cossie still wet anyway LOL.

Anyway, more thoughts on my focus piece for my exhibition on 12th Feb.  I'm gonna make lots of cubes  - all white with lots of comments, text messages etc on them and put them onto a black cloth so they stand out.  It will show how much they do mean to me! How important they are and not just hid in a computer or mobile phone - it somehow makes them real!

Can someone remind me how I put nice pics and graphics and that on my blog - its a bit boring isnt it. Can someone kindly do me a nice Laine graphic that I can put on the bottom? I just tried to add a pic and it came up with this URL thingy - beyond me!! LOL

Love Laine xxx

Windy Thursday

I loved Stuart's entry today - because I realised there is another game I can play on my DS!!!! Can't believe it - I am so excited. Stuart I'm gonna get one when I have got the money!!!

Has anyone tried the Walkers Lamb Mint crisps - they are so so gorgeous - just when I thought I'd cut down on crisps - I find a flavour that is very addictive!!! Oh well.

Didnt have a good day today - my dissertation came back to me - needs loads doing to it - basically says that I'm a crap writer - well she doesn't actually say that but there were no positives whatsoever - and what with Sam's appointment looming I just can't cope.  She said to me that she wants the full draft handed back to her in a week!!! Yeah right I'm really gonna do that!!! Another tutor came in to talk to me and I just lost it - couldnt stop crying. My friend Paul explained to him how I was feeling and my tutor said Laine you have to put Sam first.  He is right but I dont want to fail this course - I want to do well!! I feel though at the moment that I'm not being a very good artist as my mind is not wholey on it.  When she explained to me about my dissertation and what needed doing - I really felt like I wanted the floor to swallow me up as I couldn't see how I was going to do it!!!!! Scary!!

Right now I'm thinking that I'm not going to get this degree finished this year - I might have to defer it - but then John wouldnt be happy it would mean another year!!!

I hadnt told you all that I've not been well myself and the nurse thinks it might be endometriosis or early menopause - maybe thats why Im going crazy!!!! I really need to go back to the nurse - right I'm making that appointment right now!!!

Laine xxxxxx

Think I'm starting to know what to do.

Feeling more focused today - had a long chat with my friend Maria about my work - talked her through what I had done since September to the present day. I seem to be a bit obsessive about collecting text messages and friends on the internet - so it's all about me really.

Two years ago I did a sculpture of text messages and emails that John and I had sent each other - I will take a picture of it and post it on my Journal so you can see it. Because it was so personal to me I got very excited and the work was good.  I need to find that personal feeling again - All the comments and emails I get from you mean alot to me - all my text messages mean alot to me - I have over 900 on my phone and I won't delete them - why is that?  Maybe I could do a similar sort of thing that I did with my messages and emails from John. 

At least this has got me feeling a bit more motivated - I haven't felt like that for weeks.

Laine xxxxx

 

What a wierd day!!

Oh dear what a wierd day - there isn't a wierd in mood so I couldn't put that at top of this entry!

Well the day started good - I went into town and I bought myself some lovely walking shoes for when I'm in New York - don't laugh at me you trendy peeps!!! (I'm thinking of Diama cringing at me wearing naff boots LOL). I need comfort!!! LOL I will wear good jeans with them though I promise!! They look kinda cool anyway!! They were reduced from £70.00 down to £24.99!!! Also got a really nice cardi!! LOL now Im really sounding dowdy aint I!!!! But it cheered me up!!!

Then I went into work to see how everyone was. The park is closed for the winter. I asked last week if they needed me to work over the winter - we thoroughly clean the lodges - my boss said no because I can't do every week because of college. Anyway, I went in this morning and one person is off sick and one has decided to take a holdiay now!! So guess what they desparately need me!! So I agreed - how am I gonna fit it in with college!!!! So I'm working tomorrow and Friday. Don't know when I can do next week as Im supposed to be in college everyday next week!

Then I took my friend to Wilmington (about half hour drive away) to pick up her new van - it's lovely and will be a great help for her catering business!! My car started playing up the gear kept sticking!!! Dont want that to go wrong now!!!

When I got home I had a phone call from the University College Hospital in London. Bit of a long story! My youngest Joe is on Growth Hormone replacement and last year had tests to see if he was going into puberty ok and all is fine with him.  I took my eldest, Sam, who is now 13 up with me when I took Joe for his results as I was concerned that he hasnt grown for a while!  Anyway, it seems that he is about two years behind with his growth and development.  When the hospital rang today to say I have an appointment on 9th February and have to be in the ward by 8.00am so he can have tests all I could remember was that when Joe had them tests at the age of 2 and a half he went into a diabetic coma!!! So I cried and cried!!!  I dont want Sam to go through that!!!!!  Anyway, the doctor who does the tests rang me to explain the procedure - he said that the tests are different now - they don't let the patient get below 3 on blood sugar levels and they check them regularly and infact they dont even do tests like that on children under 8 anymore! So it was obviously dangerous when Joe had it done.  Anyway, I feel better now but blimey do you remember last year when I was trying to do my art I was up and down to London with Joe now I'm going to be up and down with Sam!!!! Dont know how I will cope!! Not sure I can do this degree!! Can I??? I can't think straight.

I learnt today too that a very very talented and gifted and wonderful artist died on Sunday - his name was John Cole and I worked with him in the summer when we had an art workshop for children with learning disabilities - I am very glad that I had a chance to work with such a wonderful person - I am very saddened at his sudden death and feel for his partner so so much. I just can't believe it!

Just goes to show you never ever know what is going to happen!!!

Love to you all

Laine xxxxxx

Especially for Jan

Just for Jan!! I have put some recent photos of my kids and me and John! Jan it doesnt matter I can talk about anything on this journal - this is going to be my main one now! I just started it off with the subject I'm looking into for my art! The art is about this very thing! So I just gotta do it!!

Those pics of the boys and John and I were taken in Majorca at the end of August! The one of Emma taken at my brother's wedding at the beginning of August.

The boys are doing fine Jan thanks for asking. Joe is doing really well with his growth and does not have to have hormone replacement for puberty! He will become a teenager on his own LOL.  I had Sam checked too and he is actually not going into puberty so he has now been referred to the University College Hospital in London so he can be checked - he seems to be two years behind in growth! I got him checked because obviously with Joe being on Growth Hormone replacement I was a bit paranoid Sam wasnt growing like he should.  And infact he should have shown more signs of puberty now so he is going to be checked.

Emma is doing fine and is working now - full-time at the Environment Agency - she tried Uni but didnt like it! She wasnt ready yet. Don't blame her - she is a bright girl - she doesnt really need a degree in what she is interested in.

James and Chris are fine too - James doesnt come to visit as much as he used to - but then he is 15 now and wants to see his friends - so that is understandable!

John is settled in another job - he went back to his old job - as some of you might remember he took a new job with huge prospects and a huge pay-packet. Well it didnt work out and thank god he could go back to his old job - so he is happy and settle now - at least he tried!!

And of course, John and I are still very happy and very much in love, ahhhhhhh!! LOL

Love Lainey xxxxx

 

oh so lucky

Thanks so much to all of you for your lovely and brilliant comments! I feel like I'm back in J.land now! You are all so wonderful and all so talented in your own ways. Do you know we are all writers! Fantastic isnt it!!  And Sara!!! NOOO way are your comments ever gonna be too long!

You have all given me so much to think about - I think the one word that struck me was from Marie  and thats 'connect'. We all connect to one and other through our journals - we can touch each other from across the pond! From one end of the country to another - touch each other with words! I'm beginning to think of visual ideas now!! Sort of LOL.

I find also that I can write more honestly in my journal than I would when I'm actually talking to a friend or relative.  It's easier because no-one can interrupt you. You know that you have your reader's total undivided attention. And somehow, when your down sometimes - the words flow from your heart down through your arms out of your fingertips and into the computer relieving you of pain or worry - its a kind of release!! Do you agree?

Love Lainey xxxxx

 

more thoughts on what Im going to do

Hi all,

More thoughts on what I'm going to do. I realised yesterday when walking my dog that I very much love meeting new people. Some people stop us because my dog is so beautiful! They want to stroke him and ask me about him. If I didnt have the dog with me they would just walk by.  Its because we had a commonality that we stop and chat - we like dogs!!  We all have a commonality on the internet, on journals or in pogo games.  We all choose to be there and we all want to make new friends.

Its different on the internet because we can ask questions - know each others names - talk to each other again because we add each other to our address book or buddy list.  It's like collecting people!!  When your out walking your dog - you cant say to that person can I add you to my friends list incase you see them again!!  You can do that on the internet and thats why I like it so much!

Maybe Im just nosey - I dont know but I find meeting other people very fascinating and on the internet you can find out so much about one person.  In our journals we open ourselves to anyone or anyone we choose in our private journals.  But, because we dont have to face anyone we dont feel frightened about opening up and saying what we want - we can let everything off our chest.  The one thing we miss on the internet is the physical contact and the facial expressions.  In the real world I think we might be choosy and sometimes prejudice - most people would walk past a person because of their appearance - either feeling too proud or too small to talk to them.  On the internet you cant see the person - you dont know who you are talking to - there are no prejudices.  Or may be there are but in different ways.  I dont know - what do you think?  These are just my views.

Laine xxxxxxxxx

Hello

Hi All,

Hope you are all well.  Thanks so much for the lovely comments and encouragement.  I've still not decided what I'm gonna do!! I've got to hurry as I have to have some idea by next month.  How do I visually show my interest in the internet and meeting other people? What is is I love so much about my internet buddies - I need to sort out that before I can move on.  I need an intention - like what I'm going to do with it!! I also have to think of the philosophical framework - why am I doing it? How can it become art?

Hope you all have a good weekend.

Love Laine xxxx

 

My ideas

Hello everyone and welcome to my new journal.

 

I am at the moment studying at Hastings college on my Fine Art degree BA hons. I started this course in September 06 and below is a quick overview to let you know where Im at now.

 

In my previous practice I was taking multiple images of trees and gathering these images together to make an installation.  I am now looking at these images again and using them as a source for my reflective practice.  I have realised within this reflective practise that the main focus of my work and my interests are based on multiples.  This has now become my theme in my experimentation.

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I have experimented with;

 

• Drawings, using ink, pencil, charcoal and wax crayon.
• Creating images in response to digital photographs.
• Using photocopies of photographs and drawings (cut and paste) to formulate ideas.
• I disposed of the digital images of trees – just leaving drawn responses.
• I have used monoprint to discover new ways of creating these images.
• I have also used scale to examine its effect.

 

This experimentation led me to understand that multiples were the key – single objects did not convey what I wanted to portray in my work. This led me to examine how multiples exist around us.

 

I then began to move on to a new enquiry of photographing multiples and manipulating them in Photoshop with the intention of creating multiples of multiples! This was to convey to the viewer that multiples are more exciting than just one single object and that one object when repeated can form an exciting image.

 

I began to collect multiples and therefore became interested in collections. I started to collect objects and formed my own collections with the intention of finding out why we are fascinated with ‘more than one’ and why I am so excited with multiples.

 

Whilst researching people and their collections I realised that I myself collect when I am chatting in internet chat rooms – I collect people ‘friends’ – and conversations I have with them.  The conversations are fascinating and interesting from all around the world.

 

This has generated the theme for my studio practise as I want to study this much deeper. 

 

I intend to include an image that depicts the essence of the internet its structure and form, and how via this structure and form it is possible for people to connect, relate, develop and form friendships and form a community a collection of people of similar mind.

 

I hope to also accumulate ideas from people who read my journal and I would love to hear about people's experiences on the internet and maybe collect your photos or chat to you on msn - my aim is to collect as many friends as possible to help me with my research.  It's going to be fun for me getting to know people but it will also help with my work!!!

 

If anyone has hotmail or yahoo (and would like to chat with me)- you can find me on there when I'm online.  My hotmail is lainey2465@hotmail.com and my yahoo is lainey2465@yahoo.co.uk or you can contact me on elainey2465@aol.com.

 

 

Byeee for now and I'll be back soon!!!